Finding The Good

My view on loss actually means there is potential to gain something- from self identity, capabilities, and beyond.

I truly think that there are tips or "secrets" to success. The one holding the most substantial value is purely mindset. It is believing in a greater outcome than anticipated and believing in your capability to achieve it. I don't think most of the good things that have happened to any of us would happen with a self-pity or bad attitude. No offense. I will relate it to personal experience so it sounds less harsh and judgmental. Life is composed of ups and downs- the constant can be our attitude towards it. Social media is known to be a highlight reel but there is more to the surface than meets the eye, or filtered posts and captions. I have experienced a decent amount of loss this past year. Some of minimal value, some of mindset shifting depth; regardless, loss is loss. I noticed that progress was hindered more when I thought "bad things keep happening to me" or "what did I do to deserve this?". Truth is, it isn't that people deserve what happens to them- it is just a part of life that everyone will have to face something drastic eventually. It is a challenge to see how we will face the hardship. For the first of the two bigger losses, I maintained that negative mindset for a few months and I saw minimal growth towards the goals I had. That can be its own loss in and of itself. Yes, rest is good but you can rest without adapting that type of narrative and you can rest while finding peace that things will eventually turn good again. Something good comes from everything if you're willing to see it. For the second of the two major losses, my life did a 180 within a few days/weeks. I believed something good could still come from debilitating news and that this was the chance to make a decision on which direction I truly desire my life to go in. I lost a decent amount of people and things within a quick time span- job, grandma, gym, and community. I am not the only one affected, obviously, and watching other people still maintain security in both themselves and their ability to remain steadfast made me realize I could, too. Life could be so different depending on who you surround yourself with.

Someone told me that I looked lost after finding out about the news. I said I was, then I immediately wanted to retract my statement. I was feeling the feelings but "lost" wasn't one of them. That would imply that I associate my capabilities, happiness, or idea of self worth/identity in something external to myself. I don't. I am very, if not overly, secure in myself and I am glad to have finally gotten back to this place. There are many forms of loss and, in my opinion- which this whole thing is- it is a natural way for people to return to simplicity, the basics, and the core of who they truly and innately are. Every time loss occurs, we find out a new part of ourselves and our ability to push past obstacles. It forces us to dive deeper to the core of who we are- without appearance, external "add-ons" (clothing, social status, a career, etc.), without associating ourselves to anyone besides our core values and characteristics. You have to have a view of self-identity if you want to pursue anything. People won't always advocate for you, which emphasizes the beauty of when they do, so you have to advocate for yourself. In order to do that, you have to know what you are standing up for and have an independent view of identity- who you are when external factors (jobs, relationships, fancy clothes, etc.) aren't involved.

I met my friend for coffee and she told me that there are two types of stress- the one that keeps you still and sometimes stuck and then the one that propels you forward to the next thing. The two losses I highlighted describe this realization perfectly. It is parallel to kinetic and potential energy in physics. No, not everything that happens in our life will be beautiful and that is beautiful. ​Each loss, mistake, hindrance is a chance for growth, perseverance, and trusting that things always work out. I commonly used this mentality while growing up and recently drifted away from this "taosim" the past year. I noticed my perspective on things made a negative shift the further away I got from some of those core beliefs I had. I do believe in mind over matter and energy attracts in the sense that mentality can make or break any situation. It is key to remember the power of perspective.

"It is those who are successful...who are most likely to be given the kinds of special opportunities that lead to further success...Accumulative advantage." -Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers (p. 30). I love this and it may be brutally honest to some (tip: rather than letting brutal honesty impede on your inner peace, use it as motivation), but it holds truth, even if the success part is not in terms of physical/tangible success. I said something along the lines in my first blog posts- once you adapt a positive mindset, it will snowball and continue to grow and strengthen. This ideology can be applicable to any scenario- career, confidence, and progress in any form. 

I also thoroughly believe in the power of celebrating any and all wins. I feel like I am a person of extremes, and I'm getting better, and this helps bring a level of neutrality to various situations in an odd way. Earlier when I mentioned my life doing a 180 in a few days, which had me doing a lot of "wait what" moments that week, I have been celebrating the wins- even through the sadness and discomfort I have felt about losing my job and the fear of losing my friendships. The win was that the night before my grandma passed, a Nashville manager got me into a show. I also found out about a local company putting on big shows the same day I found out about my work closing. Sending out business emails was a win. Looking at the growth on my resume was a win. Watching others succeed while they find their next adventure and continue their journey was, and always is, a win. Spoiler alert: you don't have to wait to be happy with yourself in order to be happy for others! Allowing myself to feel any and all emotion attached to these changes was a win. Allowing myself to not feel guilty for feeling was a win. You can find accomplishment and joy in so many "little" things. I bet people have more daily wins than they are aware of. All of these things were a result of reflecting on the past year. I then used the growth of the past year- personally and professionally- and got an internship for the music industry here in Williamsburg. Finding out about my work led to emails being sent out the following day to work some shows. This is the stress that propels us forward and shows us what we truly want out of our life.

I am a firm believer that everything is connected and everything eventually leads to the next thing in life. For instance, going to CNU taught me how to reach out to people in the music industry and how to stick to my instincts. Working at AFF (my gym and work place) taught me marketing and people skills, and the people skills from working at the restaurants helped with my job at the gym. The gym also taught me that there are genuinely good people in this world that are rooting you on, which has also been emphasized in my little time in the music industry so far. Things connect and overlap in a beautiful way. All these experiences from both places will translate into my future career(s). There is a plethora of ways to accumulate knowledge and skills and even being in places where you don't intend to learn anything will still lead you to adding on some knowledge of something.

I am eager to see how things will continue to fall into place and what I will learn on the way. I love learning- in relationships, careers, and in life. Celebrating wins contributes to any attempt in gaining knowledge. If you go in with a positive mindset to different scenarios, you will reap great benefits and people will be more willing to lend help and teach you. People genuinely do want to help others and watch them succeed. I will say that over and over until I don't have to anymore. That is probably one of the biggest lessons I learned at the gym, from coworkers and members, people do want to help you, you just have to ask. 

I hope this post encourages you to think of loss as a gain or to find the wins in each scenario. Believe in your ability to grow in yourself and associate your identity with your values and characteristics, rather than tangible things and circumstances that you believe happen to you rather than for you. Finding a silver lining makes all the difference and can affect others more than you're aware of.